Oh What A Web We Weave!

What a mess we are in! Poverty is up in America and income is down. This is the second year in a row for such a trend. According to the Census Bureau, more than 12% of Americans are living in poverty. To be more precise thirty four million six hundred thousand people are living below the poverty line. What does that mean in real numbers? Well think of a family of four living on $18,392 per year. It's difficult to fathom.

African Americans make up the hardest hit group and the Midwest is the hardest hit region.

This period rightly called the "jobless recovery" must be causing President George W. Bush much concern. In little more than a year Americans will return to the polls and decide whether or not to give him another four years in office.

He has requested a whopping $87 Billion for Iraq and while most of it will go for the troops, a significant portion is to rebuild Iraq. This will not be the end of the monetary requests. Already it's being widely reported that the U.S. Chief Weapons Inspector now might need another 500 million to continue his search for WMD.

I know that I might be off, but, why are we paying such a price again? Ah! We were ridding the world of weapons of mass destruction, which by the way have still not been found. We were preventing an IMMINENT THREAT. Couldn't we have waited another month?

Now with money much needed here in the U.S., we are left to clean up the mess we caused in the first place because our Commander-in-Chief acting on the intelligence he had made a call, a COSTLY call.

Now we are called on to sacrifice. How much more can we bear? Many of us have lost our pensions, many of us are without jobs, health insurance, health care and food.

However, it doesn't seem to matter to 50% of Americans that we are heading in the wrong direction. All of this could have easily been avoided. I think the oil interest in Texas should pick up the Iraqi tab. We need to stop complaining and stop asking other countries to chip in. Leave the French and the Germans alone. We went in with our lone ranger style and caused all the havoc and now its our responsibility to fix it.

Now we are definitely going to be bogged down in nation building, the very thing Candidate Bush vowed we would not do. Instead of withdrawing our troops which are deployed in so many places all over the world, we have been doing the opposite. Now we wll have to call up the reserves.

And, where is Saddam and Osama? By the way instead of mopping up the real "terror" which was Osama, we diverted for the President's own agenda (whatever that may been), and the direct cause of 9/11 still lingers.

And, if you think you are any safer than you were before 9/11 you better think twice. We are no more safer. It's all hype.

President Bush has chosen to go after Iraq and Saddam, rather than the Saudis who were directly linked to 9/11. Finally he had to admit that there has been no evidence of a link between Saddam and 9/11. However, this is just a tad too late. Americans were already led to beleive that there was such a link.

In any event President Bush must be laughing. He has managed to create one of the biggest deficits ever, he has created no new jobs, we are practically in shambles economically and morally, and yet the polls show that if the elections were held today he would probably defeat the democratic candidate. In fact the nation is still split 50/50.

How can people be partisan in times like these? Isn't it better to support the candidate and party that best make sense? How can we continue to be tied down along party lines?

In Da Kitchen w/ D

Chicken Stewed Peas and Plain Rice

Mushroom Beef and Plain Rice

Ok I am throwing in a second dish this month since I have been lax lately. This dish is mushroom beef and is also served with plain rice and a salad on teh side. It's very easy to prepare and the key is to have the beef chunks so tender that it almost melts on the tongue. Now enter the Kitchen.
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The World's Greatest City Needs More Of The World's Greatest Police Officers

The New York City Police Department is the largest Police Department in the United States and looked upon as the nation's leader in law enforcement technology. And, uniform patrol officers are the backbone of the NYPD.

Every police executive started as a police officer. Many acquired law and other advanced degrees along the way. Police officers develop expertise in everything from computers to community organization. There are no glass ceilings or dead ends. You can go as far as your energy and determination will take you.

There has never been a better time to join the NYPD. The Department is modernizing management, improving technology, and updating training. The NYPD leads the nation with the most dramatic crime reductions in our time. We are making history by making New York the safest city in America and you can be a part of it.

So I’m Back. Dwight didn’t fire me. But he will this time. Please send your complaint letters via e-mail. It would be great material. Not that I have any shortage of that. Just look at the wonderful topics I chose this time. Aren’t they just soooo topical? Mainstream? Just read. Let’s not Shake on it

I've been meeting a lot of people recently - I visited the states of Oregon and Washington for the first time this summer, my daughter started a new school this fall - so I've been shaking a lot of hands. I’m a big fan of the handshake. I think it shows congeniality, class and reveals you don’t live in a cave somewhere. I respect the Japanese for taking it to the next level with the bow. A full-body shake - cool.

I've realized that a lot of people, even people over 40, don't know how to perform a decent shake. Let's forget for a second that they should know you're only supposed to use your right hand, or that you're supposed to be looking in the person's eyes. People are doing strange things with their mandibles, and the more I shook, the more I realized many of them were annoyingly alike, so I put the horrendous handshakes in categories.

The Fish - When I stretch my hand out to touch yours, I am not seeking contact with any slimy, flaccid sea creature. I get plenty of handshakes, particularly from women that are cold, limp and wet. If you don't want to shake my hand, you're scared of me or you're coming down with malaria - tell me. Excuse yourself from the handshake by making up some story or the other. I'd prefer to wonder if I've just been insulted rather than fondle your severed tentacle - nasty!

The Hand of Steel - I am not a 'Test Your Grip' amusement machine at Six Flags. It is important to grip firmly as if you are into the handshake, but guys, you will not win a Teddy Bear if you break a bone in my hand.

The Patty-cake Pound - When giving a pound please stop at three separate moves (pound n.: a handshake consisting of multiple grips employed by black and urban persons as a show of solidarity - Ryan's Standard Encyclopedia, vol. XI). I see guys doing more hand slaps than my daughter and her friends performing 'Miss Mary Mack'. There should be a shake, then a link, and if you know the guy well enough, a meeting of the shoulders. And take your time - don't dislocate my shoulder. Any more hand slaps means you're in the Grand Order of The Water Buffalo. Tell Fred Flintstone I said: 'Big up'.

So study up. If I meet you and you’re giving me one of these, I’m going to put your name here under this article to warn people. Then you’ll have to ball up that shake into a fist, and I’ll have to call Dwight, my attorney.

Toilet Humor

I'm in the bathroom at work this week doing a number one. I'm clearly not alone: somebody is adding his fragrance to the air in there. I finish, go to the sinks to wash my hands and hear some scuffling coming from one of the stalls. My eyes automatically go to the bottom of the dual stalls in our small bathroom, you know, where you can identify who's in the stall by their shoes. Out rolls the toilet paper - far enough from the stall that this guy has no chance of getting it unless he's Mr. Fantastic. I clearly hear him re-plant himself on the throne and go silent - obviously contemplating his fate. At this point I figure I have two choices: either go over to the stalls, converse with the guy (weird) and assist him in wiping his own ass by handing him the roll (eeyugh, what if our hands touch?), or leave the room (and him with some dignity) so he can sneak out and handle his business himself with his pants around his ankles. I also figure he's formulating ideas of his own: 1. I wonder if the guy who just took a whiz is going to help me? (Damn, he'll know who I am for sure when he hears my voice), 2. I can sneak out of the stall with my pants around my ankles (please, God let nobody see me) when I think I'm alone in here and hope no one comes in before I make it back, 3. I can temporarily pull up my pants (my wife is going to be pissed about the skid marks!), get the tissue and then wipe my ass, 4. I can leave the bathroom with my ass nasty (like that time in Grade Four, or that other time in High School, oh, and that one time as a Junior in college).

What is it that makes us so queasy, nervous and embarrassed to use the bathroom at work? Everybody has to evacuate their area, and I doubt that any of us produce packages that smell like potpourri. Yet, when we sit on the porcelain, we hope and pray that no one else comes into the bathroom with us, recognizes us by our shoes and has to sample the air in there, even though your coworkers similarly befoul the air during their turns.

As a man it's particularly revealing when you enter a stall. If there are urinals in the workplace bathroom there is no other reason for a male to be going into one unless he's going to lose 5 pounds. Ladies can at least fake one another out; they have to sit down if their deposit is a number one or a number two. However, they will still be found out if they don't hit the mute button on the gas-blasts. Often, if you attempt to ‘force the issue’ you may sound off like an air-horn and, should your office restroom be anything like mine, you will find the amplifying echo most unwelcome. That has to be the worst. Scent is a little less easy to pick out in a menagerie of stalls, but blasting when you have the treat of company in the lavatory immediately gives your position away to the enemy.

And I say enemy because that's exactly what some co-workers are. I once worked in a law firm with a guy - let's call him 'Danny'. Danny would tuck a newspaper under his arm, declare he was 'Going to the Office' and proudly head toward the shit-pit with a chuckle. He would spend at least an hour on his throne, surveying as much of his kingdom the Daily News would offer and in the process prohibiting anyone who wished to use the facilities from doing so. Yes, you could go in there, notwithstanding the stench, but should Danny see your shoes on your way in and recognize you, he would begin what has to be the most uncomfortable, asinine conversations. In order to determine what fate had befallen the outside world while he had been away for the last hour, he would interrogate you while you were most vulnerable.

“Ryan.”
“...”
“Ryan! I know it's you, man, saw your shoes."
“What's up, Dan?”
“Did the boss come in yet?”
“...No”
“Did the mail come yet?”
“(groan)”
“Ryan?”
“The mail...(groan)...didn't come...(groan)...yet.”
“Did ya clear out tha in-box?”
“I'm doing that...(groan)...right (groan)...this moment, Dan.”

I guess at home everyone knows what the bathroom rules are, but every home makes its own rules. Dan's home bathroom rules allowed for conversation and mine did not. At work, each individual’s home rules clash, so most people become self-conscious and try to be on their best behavior. Also, I guess you don't want the guy or gal who gives you a raise at the end of the year to smell the Chinese you had for dinner last night. That’s probably why the CEO has his executive washroom and you and I get stuck with Danny.

Think me did done!
Now that wasn’t so bad was it? Just hope you weren’t eating while reading this time. Did anybody see Dwight’s picture up here last issue? Oh Boy. Such a public forum for Dwight to reveal his secret to: I was Mike Tyson’s secret ‘friend’. And since I have this public forum, which Dwight assures me is being read by 15 people under a mango tree somewhere (he said something about a mango tree…I’ll have to clarify that), well then: I would like to sen’ greetins to all my bredren into Jamaica.

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